Marriage Time Clock

Why I will probably never get married and why does it cause tears and a sinking feeling in my heart. For some reason, I’ve wanted to be in a marriage for a long time and nothing! I want it too bad and I know it. I see people with their spouse and it brings tears to my eyes. Not because im sad for them, it’s because im sad for me. For a while I thought maybe I was being punished for some reason. Thought that since I wasn’t raised by either parent no one would want me, because it felt like they didnt. It’s funny how you can do everything you think a wife would do and still you’re not a wife. Some people don’t want to be married, as for me, I do. I want a healthy marriage with the man I love or will soon love. I am starting to lose hope. I have now set a year to stop focusing on it. When I’m 40. I’m so exhausted at the idea of wanting someone to fall in love with only me and me be in love with them the same way. Guess I have a Marriage time clock.